Listen to “Whaling With Clowns” at Gallery of Curiosities podcast

While clowns have been used since the earliest days of whaling, no man knows for certain how a clown singlehandedly slaughters a whale. When the enormous beasts float belly up to the surface, their bodies never reveal injury. The whales die pristine, beatific even, like Saints. The body of a whale killed by a clown does not decay,…

Podcast Stories

Two stories of mine have recently appeared on podcasts. “The Stray Bones Trap”, which originally appeared in the anthology The Misbehaving Dead, is performed by Mary Murphy on The No Sleep Podcast. The episode containing “The Stray Bones Trap” and four other horrifying tales is available for the low price of $1.49. The story illustration…

“Auntie Jane VS The Nine Fingers” in Deciduous Tales

On Auntie Jane’s first day teaching, she discovered three of her students were missing fingers. Embarrassingly, she didn’t notice until handing out the safety scissors, even though one of the digit-deficient boys had already twice put his hand up, wanting to be excused to use the bathroom (“I didn’t do it all the first time”). –…

“Things To Save In A Fire” in The Audient Void

She often thought how much more efficient her final years would be if she could only find the strength to saw off everything below the knees and outfit herself with sturdy peg legs like a pirate. In the old days, she easily found men just as desperate as they were talented, who for the price…

“Dirty Sheets in the Acreage” in OnSpec

Abandoned bird nests and snail shells snagged in Anna’s long hair. One time, after she caught frog eggs in her wild mane, tadpoles sprang forth. Sheila watched them wiggle like mercury in the sheets before suffocating. (Excerpt from “Dirty Sheets in the Acreage”) Issue #108 of OnSpec , alongside new fiction by Robin S. Carson, Timothy…

“Entry-Level Job” in The Cockroach Conservatory

This is the highest paying entry-level job in the world, yet no one lasts a year.  Flash-fiction about the artificial insemination of (futuristic? alien?) dangerous creatures. Appearing in the premier issue of The Cockroach Conservatory: Vol. 1: The Working Zealot’s guide to Gaining Capital in Pre-Apocalyptic America alongside fiction by EllyBangs, Seth Gordon, Sally McBride,…

Abandoned Photographs

There is an intersection where over the past few months I’ve spotted half a dozen abandoned photos lying in the gutter. Always the same street corner. Odd, I thought. Why do they keep turning up here? Finally, it occurs to me the photos must be blowing over from the nearby cemetery, where no doubt they were lovingly…

“According to My Sisters” in FreeFall

No one believed Mom’s story about Dad’s disappearance; that he and Roman were off on one of their fishing trips. According to her, the boys were having a great time, caught up in the excitement, enjoying good food and good drink and the company of beautiful women (whom Dad only looked at, never touched unless…

Enchanting Antiques

“Everything in the painting has sold, expect for the clown, I keep him in my bedroom.” So tells me the owner of Enchanting Antiques, whose building displays the finest piece of public art in all of St. Catharines. Atmospheric, quietly creepy. I first saw the old toy mural when I was seven or eight, riding…